Happy VD Everyone!

The following is rated PG-13:

Whenever I hear someone saying Happy VD, even if it is on the 14th, the first thing that comes to my mind is Venereal Disease.  That combined with the sheer amount of procreation that is going to happen on the 14th is enough to make my head spin.  To be honest I don't like Valentines day.  My dislike can be attributed to a number of reasons.  The first being that the color scheme of red, white, and pink is probably the worst thing I could think of (obviously a straight male thought of this).

  The second being that the symbol of the heart looks nothing like the thing its supposed to represent (you know, that organ that has 4 chambers sporting its vena cava splendor so we can all live?).  Even when I looked up the mental mechanics behind the heart looking like it does I only got two answers: 1. we have no clue, we just roll with it. 2. a representation of a female's genitals. Great...so when someone gives me something with a heart on it, the best case scenario is a gift sporting something completely thoughtless, and the worst case is an artistic depiction of a woman's neither regions. Okay, once I start thinking about how many heart necklaces are going to be passed out today, that is kinda funny.

The third thing is that last year they broke my heart by changing the flavor of the candy hearts.  That was one thing I was actually nostalgic about and enjoyed seeing their little cardboard boxes in the stores.    You have to admit they always tasted bad but for some reason I loved them as a kid and I could indulge in a box about once a year.  So it was perfect timing they always came on V-day.  But last year they changed the flavors into something that was more inedible than their predecessors. Everyone knows that creepy sour taste and chalk don't mix. That day Necco made a pretty big enemy.  I was okay with changing the little sayings to match the times, though I thought 'txt me' was pretty weak.  I'm sure maidens felt pretty dejected when they took out "u r worth >2 pigs" during 1500 B.C. but I understand the change in times mean a change in lingo.  But to change the flavor is just something I can't support.  So I have decided that Necco will not get my yearly 39 cent contribution any longer.

Finally my biggest point is that V-Day is just a terrible holiday. It instills material expectations that are deemed directly proportional to the amount of love or affection one would have. What boggles my mind is that the action is always expected on this one day, completely negating any tokens of affection you might have given throughout the year.  For many Valentine's Day is Armegeddon, a final day where if expectations aren't met then the relationship is over.  I can promise you the collected contented sighs of women getting a dozen roses today are effectively drowned out by the wails of men who suffer incomparable wrath because "he blew it" or "just doesn't get it". Yes, I'm sure not all people are perfect but to draw such a big line in the sand every Feb. 14th doesn't solve anything.  Its just a band-aid over a gangrenous wound.

I bet if I go to any valentines day aisle at any store today I would be able to feel two things; panic and fear.  Men milling around desperately trying to find something that would placate an expectation.  Those flowers, chocolates, and stuff animals are effectively reduced to war trophies of women who want to show off that their guy cares.  I bet if I  toured any office that has a cubical system I would see if a woman did get something, she puts it on the side of the desk closest to the aisle, so if anyone was walking by they would notice it.  And that's just sad to me.  Who knew what was riding on an $8.99 stuffed monkey holding a rose with card that included a quip probably involving bananas? And these are the people that actually have someone.  Its terrible to think of the people who have to adopt a bravado during this day.  Those that are effectively alone year and year and all they want is someone to tell them they care; that they are special, and mean something.  But no, they have to develop "single's awareness day" to deal with the loneliness. Its unintentionally cruel.  

Even children can feel the sting, though school officials make rules to compensate for that.  I know in my class everyone was required to give everyone else a valentine.   However that didn't matter because I knew the kids that would begrudgingly give me something knowing full well that they didn't like me.  I mean let's face it, I was the butterball child who got her first microscope when she was six, it wasn't like I was ever Miss Popular. I could tell because they always gave me the crappy cast off characters in any one set of themed valentines.  I never got Princess Leia or Han Solo; I was usually stuck with C-3PO or Jabba the Hutt. And somehow that always made me feel worse.

So much is riding on this holiday that in the end it does more harm than good. I'm sure the original intentions of this holiday was once something sweet and innocent.  A stolen kiss behind an oak tree, a token charm to wear, a homemade valentine. But the people who are in good stable relationships don't need a day to celebrate love.  And those that desperately think they do may not be in the best of places. I am not saying that all relationships are like this but that is the general trend I perceive and I don't like it.  Not one bit.  In fact, I don't think that there was a single Valentines Day that I could remember as having a good outcome.  Actually there was one:

Febuary 14, 1929. Al Capone set up a meeting with Bugs Moran to deliver a illegal shipment of hijacked whiskey. Five men got out of a police car, two in uniforms, and entered the building that was supposed to act as a rendezvous point. The clatter of machine guns broke the stillness of the morning air and after a short time later, five men quickly left the building.  Police found the execution of seven of Moran's men who were sprayed with machine gun fire against the wall of the building.  Now, I am NOT saying that the massacre of these men are a good thing even if they were criminals, but rather the importance of the case, which was this:  Calvin H. Goddard, one of the forerunners of ballistic intelligence, was set to work on this case. Goddard was able to positively link the .45 caliber cartridge casings found at the crime scene to the weapons that fired them; .45-caliber Thomson submachine guns.  By differentiating two distinct sets of ejector marks on the cartridge case, Goddard determined that two weapons had fired the seventy shells. Fifty cartridges had been fired from one Thompson and twenty from the other. He did this by using a recent invention called a comparison microscope that could compare two cartridge cases or projectiles simultaneously. Goddard also used to the same methods to clear the police from any suspicion since many members of the community thought that this was a police execution.  This was one of the first times that these methods were ever used in forensic history.  And because of this, the first Independent Crime Laboratory in America was established to provide a more cohesive environment for unsolved cases.  The St. Valentine's Day massacre was a landmark event that propelled forth both the techniques and methods required for crime scene analysis.  

As much as I hate to say it, my favorite Valentine's Day involved a massacre. But honestly, I can't think of one that has been more beneficial to me.  I guess the best part is that after today there's 364 days left till the next Valentine's Day.